If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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