and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
