finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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