where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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