Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
