jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Don't make out with my wife yet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
