Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
