He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
