You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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