Cold hands, warm shart.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize