ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
