It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
