In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize