Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
