Pappa wants mamma naked
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
