Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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