Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Found your dick twin last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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