He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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