I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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