You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
