I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
