laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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