all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
