if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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