there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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