does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
