I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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