peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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