When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
