I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
