she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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