there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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