I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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