I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
