billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
zippers are such a cool invention
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
