well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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