I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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