I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
