i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
