Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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