No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
