I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
