Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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