just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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