Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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