Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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