Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
