The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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