fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
