Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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