I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
