So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
