put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
