i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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