the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize