I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
