did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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