there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
