you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We are all done wearing pants today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
