so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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