a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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