I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
