Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Randomize
