What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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