We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
