i would punch a child for taco bell
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Need sex. Gaining weight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
