I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
