So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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