I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
