I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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