East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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