Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
