hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
