dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
