Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
