I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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